25 Dec 1983
My fourth child born, a baby girl… I named her MIRA, in Greece language from MYRA, meaning pretty or beautiful, yes indeed she has a black and thick hair for a newly born baby.. and she also has a double eyelid… and because of my first child was a girl too and number 2 and 3 was a boy.. I did expect my fourth child will be a girl. Yet there is one condition… she has a duplicated thumb on her right hand…
My wife once said.. that once when she was pregnant.. I hit an animal.. like a rodent and it hit its leg.
Sometimes it did cross my mind “was it my fault ?”
I went to a pediatrician .. asking about Mira’s thumb condition.. the doctor said that it was a polydactily, it was genetic but not passed always, only on “special” occasion.. either from my gene or from my wife. The doctor suggest to do an operate.. because atleast Mira are still a little girl.. atleast she didn’t have much friend for now.. that might talking bad about her thumb..
So I ask “will it affect her writing ?.. if mira undergo an operation, will it affect her brain.. I mean.. sometimes I know, when someone having congenital .. she might be “less smart”.
And I also thought that “if GOD create her that way.. than it is GOD will.. so let it be..”
I think I had enough fault with my little daughter.. so I don’t want to make GOD angry for changing HIS Creation (mira’s right thumb).
Today Mira start her kindergarten … I don’t really know how she was at school.. did she feel embarrass because of her thumb ?
12 June 1993
Today another graduation day..
My Mira passed her 3rd year elementary school… being first place… well actually I do proud of her.. from my wife story atleast I know that her thumb doesn’t make her embarrassed for making friend.. having a thumb like that.. my daughter not even become left handed.. so definitely when she was writing, everyone will actually notice her condition…
Today Mira graduates from her elementary school.. proud of her.. during elementary.. she only missed the 1st place one times…. Well actually her sister and brother also smart.. but Mira’s record really better.
19 Oct 1996
Mira having her first report book in junior high school.. for the first time I attend mira’s school.. because its like an unwritten deal between me and my wife.. after elementary, “I’m the one that go for our children matter”
When I met her homeroom teacher.. He said “I think Mira should move from this school ?” when I ask “why, sir ?” Her teacher said “because this is the first time the 1st rank student make a gap of 10 point with the 2nd rank student”. Once again.. I’m so proud of my little daughter.
Guess what.. my daughter elected to join “siswa teladan SLTP”. Although she didn’t make it until the end. She end up as the 3rd place for Jakarta Barat.
Been a tough day… every Tuesday and Thursday, mira must attend a cram school… starting 2PM until 6PM.. so I decided that I picked her every that day… indeed just a little trip I guess between me and her.
Not much of a talking also… because sometimes she did her homework at car… or she slept along 30 minutes. Ah.. I remember.. there is a place where atleast I talked to her, during one traffic light.. I often ask “are you hungry ?” so I bought her a bread… well not much of a talk isn’t …
25 May 1999
Mira received her national examination test.. Wow.. she actually got a 9.74 score for the lesson I didn’t much care (hate) when I went to my old school… for English.. I don’t really get it.. from whose gene did she get it for that English.
One more thing.. for the past 3 year.. Mira was 1st place always…
23 Oct 1999
For the first time… mira didn’t get any rank..
Than I realized something.. it doesn’t matter really about rank… because her school now are so much different from before… indeed this school have a high standard… and my Mira work really hard.
Not much that I can do.. well atleast I still can take and pick her to school, although that’s also mean, I must wake up early and go home after work late…
22 June 2002
Today Mira graduate from her high school… there was a ceremony.. I didn’t attend.. well during 3 years, I don’t expect much from her again.. I even sometimes think “did she really on the right school ?” .
When She arrived at home, nothing really special… but she say “Dad, do you know what I brougt today ? .. I got a radiotape from school..!!” and I asked “Why ? what so special about that radiotape ?”
She smiled and take out her medal “ I got 1st place in my class in the national exam”. So I said “why didn’t you told me before.. atleast I can go to school..!!” . once again.. “ I’m proud of her”
Today is the announcement day of national entrance for university. Mira choose to take medicine faculty… Usually we must wait the newspaper at the morning.. and seek for a name from thousand name…
I know that mira didn’t sleep upstair.. she must be waiting for her brother to call her.
So early morning.. or is it more like midnight.. My 2nd child call from Bandung, He went to bus terminal.. because usually newspaper are distributed there before sell at 7 AM. He looked for her sister’s name.. and he phone me to said “Mira will enter medicine school at Bandung…”.
So I went upstair… I knocked her room and when she’s out, I hugged her and say “Alhamdulillah… my little daughter will be a doctor”.
Today is shocking…
When mira Ask me “ why Dad ? why must I attend these medical school… ?!! it is a hard school.. and again.. I can’t became a doctor with these kind of thumb, how am I going to hold all of the medical equipment… why didn’t I went an operation early…”
And I just reply “I thought you wanna became a doctor, because you often sat next to your sister book, and sometimes read it” and an operation ?? I don’t even thinking about about it again…
Mira ask permission to undergo an operation…
“dear GOD.. I didn’t mean to change your creation.. I said YES, because it is the only way.. for my little daughter to became a doctor..”
Everytime she went home.. I often ask “how is your thumb ?” I guess so much what we felt guilt for our children isn’t ??!!
Today Mira take a vow for being a doctor..
Can hardly imagine.. whether it was her dream or my dream of her, for being A doctor…
Mira join a research team, and I always thought that she will open a private practice with a board written her name “dr. Mira”. Than again I was thinking.. “actually, becoming doctor, is it her dream or my dream of her?”
Hearing mira’s story about her research was also fun.. and I think, finally I know.. “Mira loves what she’s doing now.. doing research stuff”. Just let her do what she like…
Mira said she’s writing a book tobe publish… I only see the draft… can’t hardly wait for the book…
27 Dec 2011
Been 6 month after my Dad just passed away… I didn’t realized how much the guilt my Dad felt for me for the first day I was born… How much I often made him uncomfortable.. was my achievement atleast met your hope for me.. and cover all the guilt you felt for all the years..
My Dad, really don’t talk that much…
Until, when I read his Diary (forgive me Dad for reading your diary).
Forgive me.. for not being a good daughter..
For not having a little nice talk on our little 30 minutes ride…
For not trying to understand what do you really want me to do..
And Dad, for the doctor stuff.. I really am grateful.. because maybe if I didn’t enter medicine school, I might be always your unindependent little daughter… well atleast now I can say “I’m fine walking alone…when you are no more to pick me up”.
And also Today…
I really want to yell out loud.. so that you Dad, can hear it… “ I really got my book published..!!!”
And Dad.. about these writing stuff.. So much like you isn’t ?? for that reason.. I will always proudly said “ I inherited from my Dad’s gene..!!!”
“like father like daughter”
PS :Thankyou mom.. for telling me all the stuff about Dad, so that i can write it today…